Speaking poorly of yourself is unacceptable; this is why...

The way you speak about yourself matters.

Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at this from a different angle.

Have you ever bought a new car and been totally in love with it and its uniqueness, only to notice like 15 of the same car every time you left the house?

This is called the frequency illusion.

It’s when something seems to capture your attention consistently after you’ve noticed it for the first time.

“The thing” becomes a lighthouse; no matter what, you can’t ignore it.

Speaking poorly of yourself works the same way, except it’s subconscious, so you don’t notice it.

It works like this.

Our brains are “meaning-making machines,” they have to be. That’s how they/we make sense of the world.

We make connections between what we see, feel, think, and experience to create meaning and craft our behavior.

If it didn’t work that way, we would have to start from scratch every morning when we wake up and relearn everything from the day before.

What does this have to do with speaking poorly of one’s self?

When you say it, your brain goes into bloodhound mode, looking for evidence to make your statement true.

It doesn’t care if there’s 10,000 times more evidence to the contrary; it only cares about the “scent trail” you sent it after, and IT WILL succeed in its hunt.

Do this once or twice, and it won’t matter too much.

Make this a habit, and it quickly colors your view of who you are and what you’re capable of.

Let’s be honest, though; no one who speaks poorly of themselves ever does it once or twice; it’s a pattern of behavior that blocks them from achieving their potential.

The fix?

Speak with absolute respect for yourself.

Own your mistakes and shortcomings without belittling yourself.

Own your triumphs.

Own who you are and where you are.

Speak of yourself like you would a friend who always has your back.

Weekly challenge

Observe how you speak about yourself this week and take note of how often you use negative language to describe yourself and your actions.

This will take effort because most of the language we use about ourselves is on auto-pilot. Pay attention to what you say and what you think. After a few days, take stock of what needs to change and take steps to make it happen.

I recommend starting small.

Something like pausing when you slip and taking a moment to acknowledge the fault and consider why speaking that way is not useful.